Proof

My resting heart rate is 50bpm I discovered today.  Proof, if it were needed, that I am Not a Hipster.  Their resting heart rate is at least 120bpm as reported in the Lancet last year.

Always excited about something (usually their latest ridiculous hairstyle or stupid facial hair) and amongst others of their kind, they can reach rates of >190bpm while standing still!  Hipster amongst normal people heart rate is slightly less as their evident boredom at being with a lesser species kicks in.

If more proof were needed, I am enjoying a Shiraz/Percy Pig combination which, with prolonged exposure, I'm quite confident could stop my heart altogether.

A Hipster would
1) Never drink a wine of a grape you have heard of.
2) Never eat Percy Pigs.  (Well, they might binge on it at home while weeping and then throw it all up with self loathing.  That doesn't count as eating Percy Pigs in my book).

Can I kick you in the face?

Someone with a low heart rate can always be trusted and is a top person for sure.

Unless it's Hannibal Lecter biting the face of a nurse.

Rock n Rolla

As you all know, my Rock and Roll lifestyle is something to gaze at in awe.  This week I find myself in Birmingham, next to the NEC.  As if a divine hand commanded it, the most amazing show on earth has arrived.

THE FESTIVAL OF QUILTS

Seriously, FML.  The place is full of old dears pushing and shoving to get to the front of the breakfast buffet, they'll be at the bar tonight with their half lager shandies and I'll have to watch my language.  

They should be out rioting, perhaps at a lower pace than the young 'uns.  Or maybe this is their protest?  Collapse the stock and bond market by pumping their grey pounds into the quilt and handicraft markets.  It's all becoming clear.... Sell Vodafone! Buy doilies, crochet pictures of Timmy Mallet and creepy porcelain dolls!

I shall be asking the "President of the Quilters" probing questions on where he is taking this country and what he has in store for us in his "brave new world order".  I think you'll agree, £7.50 is a small price to pay to see a living deity.  I'm hoping to catch his/her/its eye with my youthful looks and non-cloudy cornea. 

Or I can stay in my room and make friends with a cheeky wee Shiraz.

Rock and Roll!