I Want to Have a Cult Personality

Why the fuck should that badly dressed, short, fat dictator twat have all the fun?  I know one shouldn't speak I'll of the dead but I don't give a shit.  He's dead.  You think I'll give a shit about what people say about me when I'm dead?  I'll be fucking dead!!  (Unless I decide to rise up and inflict apocalyptic rage on you bad mouthing bastards)

It seems a little unfair for one guy to hog the limelight, that's all I'm saying.  And his podgy, Star Craft playing, puddle of piss son is going to get it now!  I almost weep in despair.  Come on, look at the state of it-

 I could have levelled up 10 times if it wasn't for this bollocks!

Just a little crowd adulation once in my life is all I'm asking for.  Come on, The Isle of Harris (for example) worship me as a deity!

Haha, women of Isle of Lewis.  I reject you!

Ah well, just a thought.  My ex dog worships me (when I have chocolate).  It's a start.  As is my side parting which could be taken as slightly hipsterish but I prefer to think of as dictatorial.

Reaction just in to news of the side parting-

He's Playing a Star Wars Game

I don't think Hipsters would play an online game of any kind.  Especially not one based on Star Wars.  Let's face it, most of the people that play it are prepubescent or middle aged guys who would struggle to put a Jabba the Hutt costume on.

So, we've established my credentials (once again) as non-hipster.  I hadn't mentioned it in a while.

The game is Star Wars: The Old Republic.  You may have seen the ads on billboards and TV.  They are pushing this game hard.  Me being me bought it the day it came out.

Took a while to get the thing going as there were countless millions trying to register the game online.  Didn't put me in the best of moods.  Then I make a cool Han-Solo character, a smuggler.  I wanted to call him Budgie Smuggler but it wouldn't let me.  The only reason I chose this class is the ability to kick people in the balls.  Something that has been very useful so far.  And it makes a satisfying crunching noise.

I chose a server labelled "PVP" which means player versus player.  Basically I want to jump in and make fat kids cry.  Like a previous game I played, Warhammer, you could do this straight away.  Not this game.  I haven't had a sniff of a enemy fat kid let alone kick him in the balls and make him cry. Very disappointing.  (There are minigames you can join to fight real enemy but it isn't the main game).

So I run about, killing computer characters, ranking up, buy new clothes and learning to kick harder.  I'm just not enjoying it that much.  Too much running about, not enough action, all a bit pointless.  Graphics are great, cut-scenes are amazing but that does not make a good game.

I'll give it more time, try and find the true PVP areas (I may need a space ship to find them, which i'm on the verge of getting).  Really want this game to be good and work for me.  So far, it is a bit of a let down.  Bit like seeing Carrie Fisher like this-

Oh dear.

Skyrim (and my bitch)

You may have seen the adverts on buses and billboards pushing this game.  It isn't all hype.  It is one of the most amazing games I've ever played.  And I've played a few.

It's difficult to know where to start, the game and aspects of it are immense.  Let's concentrate on my "companion".  The are various buddies you can hook up with through the game.  I have my special one.

Look, here he is!

This poor fellow had his family burial ground desecrated and needed a hand sorting out the nasties.  I was happy to oblige.  He is now mine.

I mainly get him to carry my heavy shit, make him go first into battle, serve as bate for wild animals and other humiliating and potentially deadly chores.  I've taken to dressing him up recently.  You can see the lovely little golden number I've provided him with.

It's not all domination on my part.  As you can see in the picture, we have gone into the wild for a little camping trip!

So, if you want a bitch for Christmas, I highly recommend Skyrim.  I play it on the PC and it runs really well.  Can't comment on Xbox or PS3 as I haven't seen it run on those.  I should also mention it is a first person (or 3rd person) RPG.

Everyone should have a bitch.

Zombie Update

Managing to keep up with the zombie movements out there.

First up is season 2 The Walking Dead.

Starting to lose the will to watch this show.  Season 1 was fab, big ideas and good stories.  I get a feeling the budget has been cut for this one.  They have been on a farm for 6 episodes now and I'm getting bored of it.  Not that much zombie action and frustrating story threads.  It should be about desperate survival, not sitting down to nice dinners at the farm and shagging the daughter (not at the dinner table).

I'll stick with it but it is not doing much for me so far.

African zombies next!  The Dead.

I enjoyed this film.  A good old fashioned zombie film, with loads of zombies and desperate survival story.  Special effects were pretty good (don't watch while eating dinner) and some nice cinematography.  The zombies were the slowest I've ever seen in a film however.  How they caught anyone to eat really amazes me.  Anyhow, apart from that and a bit of shady acting it was back to basics and I appreciate that.

Nice one.

Stakeland.

Okay, it is about vampires rather than zombies.  They are both undead and will bite you.  Actually the vamps in this are more like zombies.  Mindless, nasty things that just want to feed.

Again, another story of apocalypse and survival.  It is nothing fancy nor ground breaking but I enjoyed it. Some decent acting and some real good antagonists.  Kept a good pace throughout and a kept me hooked.  

Stakeland is my favourite out of the three.  Thanks to Ricky for putting me on to it.

Stakeland.  Go on, guess what happens next.

Getting Shot in the Hand

Watching a bit of crap Film4 60s Western shows a guy getting shot in the hand. He shakes it off like it's a painful splinter.

Fail.

Roll about the ground screeming in intense pain like you have been shot in the hand. Fucking nonce.

That's the 60's acting for you. Good enough for the White House though!

Humiliation

One of the greatest scenes in films history cheapened by PC World.  Why are the things I hold dear systematically destroyed and humiliated?

Cut her head off!  She could do with losing a few pounds.

Please, compare with what I hold dear...

I'm motivated!

Arse!

BF3

Good old Battlefield is out again.  I remember spending rather a lot of money upgrading my rig to run BF 2 a few years ago.  Since then, I've pretty much given up PC gaming for exactly that reason.  My good mate has got the new one going on his setup and complains that 64 people on one map is too much.  WFT!!  I call that a target rich environment.  He also complains the multiplayer maps are all rush maps (basically run about killing as much as you can before you get blasted).  Again bring it on, it's the only way I know how to play.  My mate does subtlety.  I don't.

Do I by it for the Xbox or my gaming laptop?  Actually thinking I should buy it for both.  Single player on the PC with the graphics will be amazing.  Multiplayer on the Xbox, satisfying and stable.

Life presents hard choices.

Next up, Ferrari 458 or a pension?

When Heaven turns BAD

My personal heaven is the Nuburgring.  It wasn't the case for quite a few people on this day-

OOOOPS

And here is the view from some annoying French twats.  Skip to 9.50 unless you want their irritating words and noises for 10 minutes.  I could barely stand 20 seconds of it.  Probably French Hipters, the worst kind!

STFU!

Remember kids, it isn't the speed that kills.  It's the stopping rapidly.

Spoiled!

My deepening love affair with HBO continues with season 2 of The Boardwalk Empire.  Awesome.  Chalky White now my favourite character and the actor played my favourite character in The Wire (HBO, what a surprise)

You are a very good actor!

Also putting a smile on my face are new season Walking Dead and Dexter.  Neither of which are HBO but we'll forgive them because they are only a ball hair less awesome than HBO shows.  

The pish weather makes me feel less guilty about watching so much telly.

Lion's Den

If you happen to live/visit the West End of Glasgow (should West and End be in capitals?  Makes it sound more important than it is. Bit like God) then visit Hillhead Bookclub.  It is Hipster central!!  I love this place and I did a twist on hug a hoodie, in my case hug a Hipster.  Of course, I didn't hug anyone.

 In particular, I enjoyed the couple of Glaswegian drunks at the bar who were pissed (being drunks) and staring at the Hipster girls ordering drinks.  Right next to them.  The way they were looking at them was less "hug" and more "bundle into back of Sierra and end up doing a 7 year stretch at Barlinnie".

Worth a visit.

Could have been there.  Wasn't. (That can't be his wrist, surely?)

Cycling home I discovered I have more than 1 gear on my bike.  More proof that I'm definitely not a Hipster. 

You know it's not right

Not going to get all heavy and political and financial on you.....

But

You know things are fucked up when we lend more money to countries/institutions who are bankrupt from excessive debt and will NEVER pay it back.  I don't remember voting for these idiots to spend billions of our country's money on banks and other countries.  It has to stop.

You lend money to someone who can't afford to pay you back- you lose your money.  Why are banks a special case?  It is so simple and yet the politicians are either blind to it or corrupt.

An excellent episode of Max Keiser here with Rossane Barr (remember Rossane on telly?!? I never found it that amusing).  Skip to 13mins 30sec to see what she has to say (however, the stuff before is worth listening to)

I don't fancy her

Okay, I got a little political and heavy on you.

Sorry.

I'm enjoying.

Percy Pigs (Reversy)

Red wine

The West Wing

But most of all....

Portal 2!!

Why didn't I get into this game when it came out I don't know.  Perhaps too much Call of Duty or some other nonsense.  This is one of the best rated games ever.  Now I see why. 

The developing story is fun, the characters that take you through it are great and genuinely funny (not that geeky funny with in-jokes), super slick design, great graphics and some pretty hard puzzles.  It is a puzzle game at the end of the day.  Maybe that is where my resistance lay. I'm so happy I didn't resist.

These are the cutest things ever.  

As the turrets say in their cute voice.......

I'm different

Mini reviews- Books

With my beloved Kindle, I'm actually getting through a few books.  Who'd have thought it!

So, here we go.

The Infection by Craig DiLouie (A Ric's Reviews recommendation)

Loved this book!  If you love zombies and apocalyptic scenarios (and who doesn't) this will sate you.  Fast paced story, lots of action and I couldn't put this one down.  They should make a film of this one.  Perfect for kids like me with ADHD.

Next up...

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

Didn't really fancy the film for some reason but thought I out to read the novel.  Took a while to get going, lots of description of 80s nonsense in this guy's life.  Half way through it really takes off and gets a bit fucked up and nasty.  Really not sure what to make of it all.  Certainly a fine commentary on how things were in 80s New York with yuppies, fashion etc.  As for the nasty stuff, I guess that's just timeless.

I was a bit traumatised by the whole thing.  Needed to calm my nerves and read something more positive.

So I chose....

Humanity: A Moral History of the Twentieth Century by Jonathen Glover

Fuck me, what a mistake this was.  This book described in details the most horrible crimes against humanity and then describe the morality (or lack of) of the whole thing, from individuals to the government in charge.  Usual suspects Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot, Serbian war, Rwanda etc.  Pretty hard going and it left me in a worse state than American Psycho.

Really needed something relaxing.

Alex's Adventures in Numberland by Alex Bellos

Ahhhh, this one was better.  It is a tale of numbers through history.  No traumatic experiences here.  Well written, although a little dry in places.  Well, it is about numbers I suppose.  Overall, a good read and was a relief from the previous two.

Perked up with happiness I moved onto my favourite genre sci-fi.  Two books here...

Renegades and Exiles by Dan Worth

These are the the first two in a trilogy.  Third one not out yet and I can hardly wait.  Nothing too clever here, big ships fighting, scary alien baddies, grand scale and just a good yarn.  Some good characters to hold the thing together and you have a winner.

See, we had a happy ending.

Gamefest!

Gamefest at the NEC.  Yay!  I had a little visit (it was little as I had to rush off unexpectedly) and it was great.

Top tip for the girls, it really is a target rich environment for you.  Very little competition.  There were some girls doing the Dance Central thing on a stage (yes, I was one of the middle aged guys taking pics) and some Nuts tarts making teens have awkward hard ons but other than that there were millions of blokes!  Quite a lot of pony tails it must be said so I guess you have to take them out the equation.

Dance my pretties.  

Anyway, some really good stands.  I didn't have time to get into the really big game stands due to huge queues (MW3, BF3, Rage etc) but there were plenty of others that didn't need queuing.  Forza 4 looked awesome and great fun with a wireless steering wheel thingy (crimbo pressie idea...), Batman Arkham City looked incredible, there was a linked up F1 game that looked very promising but I get a bit frustrated by those types of simulations.  Race for 2 hours and one lapse of concentration and the whole thing is over.  It reflects life I guess but the reason I'm playing the bastard is to take a break from real life for a little while.

My Xmas present

That's me with the axe.

I wish this was my living room

Saints Row 3 had a cool stand, like a night club with a bouncer on the door but i peeked in and all they had was bottles of water in the bar.  Fail.  Although I loved the outragious Saints Row 2, so I can't beat on them too hard.  No doubt number 3 will be just a sick and enjoyable.

One of my favourite stands was the Retro Gamer.  Had all the old consoles and even a Vextrex!  You got to be old like me to know that one.  Golden age of gaming right there.  Was a really popular stand too which gave me a warm fuzzy feeling.  Today it takes millions and huge teams to make these games.  Back in the day it was done in a bedroom or small office with a few pals.  Ah, I love nostalgia.

I'm awesome because I remember this stuff

It's coming up for winter so I'm treating myself to some new games (the Xbox hasn't been turned on in 6 months).  Dues Ex and Dead Island will be the purchases (unfortunately no sign of them at the show).  More on them once teeth have been sunk in.  Also on the cards is a gaming laptop.  I know I said I'd never go back to gaming on the PC but I spend a lot of time away, bored out my tits so I might as well perk things up a little.  Elder Scrolls Skyrim is pushing me into that PC lark (again, big queue to see that bad boy.  The gameplay trailers look amazing).

Proof

My resting heart rate is 50bpm I discovered today.  Proof, if it were needed, that I am Not a Hipster.  Their resting heart rate is at least 120bpm as reported in the Lancet last year.

Always excited about something (usually their latest ridiculous hairstyle or stupid facial hair) and amongst others of their kind, they can reach rates of >190bpm while standing still!  Hipster amongst normal people heart rate is slightly less as their evident boredom at being with a lesser species kicks in.

If more proof were needed, I am enjoying a Shiraz/Percy Pig combination which, with prolonged exposure, I'm quite confident could stop my heart altogether.

A Hipster would
1) Never drink a wine of a grape you have heard of.
2) Never eat Percy Pigs.  (Well, they might binge on it at home while weeping and then throw it all up with self loathing.  That doesn't count as eating Percy Pigs in my book).

Can I kick you in the face?

Someone with a low heart rate can always be trusted and is a top person for sure.

Unless it's Hannibal Lecter biting the face of a nurse.

Rock n Rolla

As you all know, my Rock and Roll lifestyle is something to gaze at in awe.  This week I find myself in Birmingham, next to the NEC.  As if a divine hand commanded it, the most amazing show on earth has arrived.

THE FESTIVAL OF QUILTS

Seriously, FML.  The place is full of old dears pushing and shoving to get to the front of the breakfast buffet, they'll be at the bar tonight with their half lager shandies and I'll have to watch my language.  

They should be out rioting, perhaps at a lower pace than the young 'uns.  Or maybe this is their protest?  Collapse the stock and bond market by pumping their grey pounds into the quilt and handicraft markets.  It's all becoming clear.... Sell Vodafone! Buy doilies, crochet pictures of Timmy Mallet and creepy porcelain dolls!

I shall be asking the "President of the Quilters" probing questions on where he is taking this country and what he has in store for us in his "brave new world order".  I think you'll agree, £7.50 is a small price to pay to see a living deity.  I'm hoping to catch his/her/its eye with my youthful looks and non-cloudy cornea. 

Or I can stay in my room and make friends with a cheeky wee Shiraz.

Rock and Roll!

Batman Live!

Call me sad but it's right on my doorstep so bit rude not to go.  Wasn't too sure about it before hand but came out quite happy.

Lots of kids.  Lots of fat blokes with Batman t-shirts.  I had sitting in front of me a fat kid, with mask and cape and it had ADHD.  His mother had just given up on him and sat like a dumpling watching the show.  Only the big brother was there to keep the kid pointing toward the stage (it did spend a lot of the time looking backward at me).  I learned to love the little fatty in the end.  Especially his fat cheeks pushing out below the mask.  Everything Batman isn't- out of shape, unfocussed and generally uncool.  Bless his pies.

Enough of the fat kid.  The show wasn't a musical, more a circus act.  Lots of tumblers and flying about on wires.  Fairly basic story of the usual badies ganging up to kill big B.

The characters were all pretty good.  Joker had all the best lines and was the best character by far, he had real presence.  Harley Quinn was there, the little slut.  I liked her too.  Batman and Robin had the best outfits of course.  Batmobile was quite funky too.

Not a bad afternoon but I'm not sure Batman translates too well to the stage.

Roll on Batman Arkham City game and The Dark Knight Rises!

Yup, didn't want ejected for taking a pic of my pal.

Transformers THE REVIEW

Saw the new Transformers film in 3D at the weekend.  Quite enjoyed it.  I mean, how can you not enjoy big robots fighting each other?

Let me tell you, when you don't let the robots fight each other!!  Way too much story in this film, a lot of it that was totally unnecessary.  Bringing Buzz Aldrin on for a cameo was very cool for all the people making the film but come on, really?  A few other odd characters that seemed very cool but not developed. I think they got confused in editing, cutting out stuff that made the film feel a bit disjointed.  Maybe a director's cut would make a bit more sense.  Nothing extra though, the film is long enough as it is!

Why the fuck do they always put a love interest in it too?  I could just about tolerate Megan Fox as she was easy on the eye but the silly cow who replaces her in this one is so annoying.  Maybe others find her attractive but I thought she had a ridiculous face.  Anyway, the whole storyline with her was a total waste of robot fighting time.  Be gone harlot!

When we finally got action it was amazing.  Great effects and on a grand scale too.  Loved all that.  Cool cars too- the product placement worked.  Alas, I found I couldn't afford the Ferrari when I went to the dealership straight after the film.  

Potentially a great film if they cut a lot of the shit out of it.  Still enjoyed it a lot despite many times thinking "GET ON WITH IT".

The Ferrari in action!

Time Just Got Shorter

I'm going to have to watch it all over again now.  Damn you Beastie Boys.

Give Blood, TAKE Blood!

The Blood donor people have gone mad and not in a good way.  The horror unfolds from the view of my home-

They make this guy jump off the crane (he thinks the other end of the bungee is attached to something).  First up is the blood people, they scoop up what they can with a wee dust pan and brush.  Then the ambulances grab whatever organs look salvageable and finally the fire engines hose away the mess.

My fingers were crossed that is was some gullible politician.  I'm never that lucky.

Samsung is COOL

After a brief flirt with being an Apple fanboy I'm moving on to being a Samsung fanboy.  Nowhere near as cool as Apple but Richy's Not a Hipster.

So here is a mini review of a TV- the D7000 series.

I love you

Didn't think I could get this excited by a telly but this thing is just amazing.  For starts, the screen goes all the way to the edge!  There is a very thin, clear perspex bezel round the thing but I reckon that's just there to protect the important gubbins.  Talking of thin, it is about a thumbs width deep!  It gets a little fatter where the connectors out- if it didn't, you wouldn't be able to plug anything in!

And connections- everything you could wish for.  4 HDMI, Freesat and Freeview built it plus lots of boring connections that are expected but shameful on a telly like this.  Non-digital inputs should have been banned, it would be awful to send anything than the highest resolution to this amazing screen.

Watching the new season of True Blood in 720p last night was great.  You almost feel like you are there.  At one point someone walked into the scene and I jumped as I thought someone had walked into my flat! (Okay, that makes me sound mental).  I've watched a couple of 1080p films briefly to see the quality and it is mind blowing.  2001 A Space Odyssey was outstanding.  Since there are no computer graphics you really feel like you are there.  A downside is, however, when blue screen (orange these days?) computer generated scenes are obviously computer generated.  Avatar in 1080p on a very quick viewing was disappointing.  The picture is so good that it the computer animation is exactly that.  It doesn't gel well with the live actors.  I'll need to watch the full thing again and give it a proper chance.  

The telly has wireless and also wired LAN access.  A thing called Smarthub gives access to all the BBC iPlayer, 4 on Demand etc plus google maps and a bunch of other stuff.  Very natural to use and the picture quality is excellent.  It's a very cool feature that expands a lot on the normal TV experience.

3D- I had a quick play on the PS3 with Gran Turismo and Crysis 2.  Bit weird and takes getting used to but it is really cool.  No films in 3D yet, just some demos.  Enjoyed it and looking forward  to more titles coming out.  Not something I was too bothered with.  Good to have the option.  Only 1 pair of glasses though.  

Finally, it has a built in media player.  Plug in a USB memory stick or drive and it will play your music, movies (even MKV format!) and show photos.  It even picks up my network drive and plays movies direct from it.  It wouldn't play certain movie files so my WD Media player is still used for the odd occasion a file format isn't recognised.

Who'd have thought tellies could have come so far in just 6 years (the age of my old one).  This thing has blown me away with the quality and features it packs in.  Well worth the cash.  Buy one.

Phone Dilemna

Not being a Hipster makes choosing a phone pretty difficult.  The Hipster would have the latest Apple offering.  Easy.  He'd probably do this with it too

You are a C...

Lenny the Spaz if you ask me.  Fair play to him, he has shagged Kylie Minogue.  

I digress.

Been using a cheapo Android phone for a while now and I do like it.  Also got an iTouch which I also like.  Shit.  Do I go for a better Android or iPhone.  I really am torn.  

Today's feeling is that I should use the combo of iTouch and fancy Android.  Probably a bit of a cop out.  

Should I rant about the woman at 02?  She was very nice so I don't want to disrespect her too much.  

However-

"If I came down your street and saw your wifi was open, it's fine to use it." 

Eh, no.  And trying to sell my open wifi to 02 customers isn't alright either.  Before you know it there is dogging going on as the extreme porn they have just downloaded whips them into a sexual frenzy.

What if I'm trying to sleep?!  Disgusting animals.

Just as well my wifi is WPAd.

So Samsung Galaxy S2 it is!!

Hello lovely!

They do nice tellies too but that'll be another review if I ever get time at home to watch the bastard.

Humiliated!

Out for lunch as one does on a pleasant Sunday afternoon.  One rolls into the car park in one's fancy Black Beast (AKA Honda S2000) only to find it isn't the sexiest car there.  By a LONG shot.  I've only stumbled into a TVR meet.

Now, lovely as they are, there was a lot of standing about and talking and not a lot of driving going on.  Some reasons why this might be the case-

• TVRs are notoriously unreliable.  They are terrified the thing will end up on the verge with smoke coming out of it and that isn't a good talking point for these people.
• They are fucking terrifying to drive.  TVR put 2 fingers up to the EU when it came to safety features.  Outrageously powerful engines, no ABS, traction control or indeed airbags.  Most of them seem to be enjoying their pensions and want to keep it that way.  Engine remains OFF.
• They wouldn't have dewy eyed saps like me wandering around dribbling on the tarmac if they were on the road.  

There were 2 examples of one of the coolest cars ever made, the Sagaris (it's named after a type of battle axe) sitting with engine off.

Could probably fit some more air intakes there

Seeing one of these in the flesh was a rare treat.  Ah, if I had a multi car garage then maybe....

Had lunch, came out and they were still hanging around talking.  Pussies.  I skulked off in the Beast and floored it as soon as I was out of sight.  

I still love you Blackie.

Life in the Yorskhire Dales

A brief visit to family in Yorkshire showed me what an utterly boozed up place it is.  Under the guise of genteel little villages, stunning countryside, funny accents and a lot of red faces.  Oh, hang on... that last one is a clue.

The day I arrived was Whit Friday.  Apparently, it's some backward religious festival they have perverted into a drinking orgy combined with a brass band competition which closed most of the roads in the area.  Reminds me I should watch the film "Brassed Off".  Police riot vans roamed the area, not for drunk and disorderly but for enraged drivers unable to get home after a long week's work.  Clear evidence of the inebriated state of the people who planned this event.

Look, here is one of them in the final stages of planning-

Only to fit in did I bring down some champers and a bit of rouge.  And only to fit in did I drink quite a lot of it.  It seemed safer to stay in that night.  And then.....

We discovered Dance Central for the Kinect Xbox thingy!!!  I could go on about what an amazing bit of kit the Kinect is but just to prove it, it got me up dancing like a complete spaz with half the usual amount of booze it takes to get me up.  Much hilarity ensued.  It has a "freesytle" bit that you are supposed to express your artistic freedom while taking pictures of you and then replaying them at high speed.  Not a pretty sight but incredibly funny.

As if that wasn't proof enough of a serious problem in Yorkshire, the next day was a Beer Walk.  They haven't even the shame to disguise it anymore!!  I witnessed the latter stages of this as I tried to get to my next destination.  As I came to cross a sleepy crossroads, I was confronted by scores of pissed people slowly staggering past me dressed up as all sorts.  A group of female Red Indians had to sit down on the verge next to my car, it was all too much for them.  Blokes dressed as nuns stared vacantly at me, a bunch of plumbers (I think they may actually have been plumbers, very unimaginative) staggered all over the place and as far as I could see there were strange, pissed folk walking up this hill.  All in the aid of charity.  Yeah, whatever.  All in the aid of getting pissed and indulging your sickest sexual fantasy.

I only take the moral high ground because I beat my bro-in-law at a dance off with Salt n Pepa and "Push it".

He's back!! Couldn't Fit "and other stuff" in the blog name.

Yes, I have too much crap rolling about in my head and can't possibly keep in to myself.

This has all been brought on by me migrating to Apple products.  Not like some twat wearing a flat cap and dark glasses.  No.  That is a hipster.  I won't have any of it.  Look, here's one-

Cunt

I hate using the "c" word. 

Spending a lot of time in large airports, I see them all.  Apple products aren't cool enough for them but they use 'em.  They use a lot of kleenex and cry themselves to sleep with crushing loneliness but that that is for another post.

So here we go on a roller coster ride of ranting, tech reviews, bit of fitness, daft videos, views on life and general blabbing.

You ready?

The Catalyst

What has brought all this on I don't hear you asking?

I'm going to tell you.

Apple.

For years I poo pooed them for being poncy, expensive and unnecessary.  Why spend a grand on a lappy when I can get on for 400 sheet that does the same thing?  I don't want to be controlled by Apple!

I stand by all this.  The fact is they work really well.  Just a couple weeks in using a 4 year old Macbook and I'm sold.  Okay, I've done my Richy thing of fiddling.  1Gb mem to 4GB.  80Gb hard drive to 500Gb.  Even that was super easy.  Time machine made swapping drives easy as drugging a school girl in the back of a transit.  So slick.

Some may remember me singing the praises of Windows 7 versus Vista (steaming, runny diarrhea).  As good as Win7 is, it still requires antivirus, updates every 10 minutes, change of browser, confusing networks setups, poor backup options.... yadda yadda.  I can't give something like this to my ageing parents!!  Oh, hang on.  Oops.

Maybe I'm just biased because it picked up my, I mean my neighbours, porno network drive without any drivers or extra installs.  Dirty bastard.  Just getting evidence against him before I go to the authorities.

They work out the box.  That is all.

Maybe Hipsters are just stupid and can't get Windows to work?  They certainly look special...

Mini review- Game of Thrones

HBO do it again.  Game of Thrones is just amazing.  Not quite sure where to start with this one.  Sean Bean?  That'll do.  One of my favourite actors (shit factoid- brother-in-law was an extra in his film Age of Heroes (he won't admit it has gone straight to DVD!)).  Based on some books an old dude wrote/is writing and fans are hoping he doesn't die before he finishes the series.  If he does, I'll finish it for him.  Probably be a massive orgy and then zombies and monsters invade the party and kill everyone just after the money shots happen.

It has the usual things that amuses me in films- outrageous, graphic violence; outrageous, graphic sex; brilliant characters; multi-threaded plots; shocking twists; great special effects and it's HBO.  Something for everyone in this one, including potential zombie action (not kidding!).

I get very excited for every new episode and the nurses need to calm me down with drugs and restraints.

Yup, you get to see her tits

Hipsters wouldn't watch this, it's way too mainstream.  I'll do a review on a silent black and white Lithuanian 3 minute short film I watched the other day.  Actually, I can do it now- it was utterly shite and I didn't get it.