I Want to Have a Cult Personality

Why the fuck should that badly dressed, short, fat dictator twat have all the fun?  I know one shouldn't speak I'll of the dead but I don't give a shit.  He's dead.  You think I'll give a shit about what people say about me when I'm dead?  I'll be fucking dead!!  (Unless I decide to rise up and inflict apocalyptic rage on you bad mouthing bastards)

It seems a little unfair for one guy to hog the limelight, that's all I'm saying.  And his podgy, Star Craft playing, puddle of piss son is going to get it now!  I almost weep in despair.  Come on, look at the state of it-

 I could have levelled up 10 times if it wasn't for this bollocks!

Just a little crowd adulation once in my life is all I'm asking for.  Come on, The Isle of Harris (for example) worship me as a deity!

Haha, women of Isle of Lewis.  I reject you!

Ah well, just a thought.  My ex dog worships me (when I have chocolate).  It's a start.  As is my side parting which could be taken as slightly hipsterish but I prefer to think of as dictatorial.

Reaction just in to news of the side parting-

He's Playing a Star Wars Game

I don't think Hipsters would play an online game of any kind.  Especially not one based on Star Wars.  Let's face it, most of the people that play it are prepubescent or middle aged guys who would struggle to put a Jabba the Hutt costume on.

So, we've established my credentials (once again) as non-hipster.  I hadn't mentioned it in a while.

The game is Star Wars: The Old Republic.  You may have seen the ads on billboards and TV.  They are pushing this game hard.  Me being me bought it the day it came out.

Took a while to get the thing going as there were countless millions trying to register the game online.  Didn't put me in the best of moods.  Then I make a cool Han-Solo character, a smuggler.  I wanted to call him Budgie Smuggler but it wouldn't let me.  The only reason I chose this class is the ability to kick people in the balls.  Something that has been very useful so far.  And it makes a satisfying crunching noise.

I chose a server labelled "PVP" which means player versus player.  Basically I want to jump in and make fat kids cry.  Like a previous game I played, Warhammer, you could do this straight away.  Not this game.  I haven't had a sniff of a enemy fat kid let alone kick him in the balls and make him cry. Very disappointing.  (There are minigames you can join to fight real enemy but it isn't the main game).

So I run about, killing computer characters, ranking up, buy new clothes and learning to kick harder.  I'm just not enjoying it that much.  Too much running about, not enough action, all a bit pointless.  Graphics are great, cut-scenes are amazing but that does not make a good game.

I'll give it more time, try and find the true PVP areas (I may need a space ship to find them, which i'm on the verge of getting).  Really want this game to be good and work for me.  So far, it is a bit of a let down.  Bit like seeing Carrie Fisher like this-

Oh dear.

Skyrim (and my bitch)

You may have seen the adverts on buses and billboards pushing this game.  It isn't all hype.  It is one of the most amazing games I've ever played.  And I've played a few.

It's difficult to know where to start, the game and aspects of it are immense.  Let's concentrate on my "companion".  The are various buddies you can hook up with through the game.  I have my special one.

Look, here he is!

This poor fellow had his family burial ground desecrated and needed a hand sorting out the nasties.  I was happy to oblige.  He is now mine.

I mainly get him to carry my heavy shit, make him go first into battle, serve as bate for wild animals and other humiliating and potentially deadly chores.  I've taken to dressing him up recently.  You can see the lovely little golden number I've provided him with.

It's not all domination on my part.  As you can see in the picture, we have gone into the wild for a little camping trip!

So, if you want a bitch for Christmas, I highly recommend Skyrim.  I play it on the PC and it runs really well.  Can't comment on Xbox or PS3 as I haven't seen it run on those.  I should also mention it is a first person (or 3rd person) RPG.

Everyone should have a bitch.

Zombie Update

Managing to keep up with the zombie movements out there.

First up is season 2 The Walking Dead.

Starting to lose the will to watch this show.  Season 1 was fab, big ideas and good stories.  I get a feeling the budget has been cut for this one.  They have been on a farm for 6 episodes now and I'm getting bored of it.  Not that much zombie action and frustrating story threads.  It should be about desperate survival, not sitting down to nice dinners at the farm and shagging the daughter (not at the dinner table).

I'll stick with it but it is not doing much for me so far.

African zombies next!  The Dead.

I enjoyed this film.  A good old fashioned zombie film, with loads of zombies and desperate survival story.  Special effects were pretty good (don't watch while eating dinner) and some nice cinematography.  The zombies were the slowest I've ever seen in a film however.  How they caught anyone to eat really amazes me.  Anyhow, apart from that and a bit of shady acting it was back to basics and I appreciate that.

Nice one.

Stakeland.

Okay, it is about vampires rather than zombies.  They are both undead and will bite you.  Actually the vamps in this are more like zombies.  Mindless, nasty things that just want to feed.

Again, another story of apocalypse and survival.  It is nothing fancy nor ground breaking but I enjoyed it. Some decent acting and some real good antagonists.  Kept a good pace throughout and a kept me hooked.  

Stakeland is my favourite out of the three.  Thanks to Ricky for putting me on to it.

Stakeland.  Go on, guess what happens next.

Getting Shot in the Hand

Watching a bit of crap Film4 60s Western shows a guy getting shot in the hand. He shakes it off like it's a painful splinter.

Fail.

Roll about the ground screeming in intense pain like you have been shot in the hand. Fucking nonce.

That's the 60's acting for you. Good enough for the White House though!

Humiliation

One of the greatest scenes in films history cheapened by PC World.  Why are the things I hold dear systematically destroyed and humiliated?

Cut her head off!  She could do with losing a few pounds.

Please, compare with what I hold dear...

I'm motivated!

Arse!

BF3

Good old Battlefield is out again.  I remember spending rather a lot of money upgrading my rig to run BF 2 a few years ago.  Since then, I've pretty much given up PC gaming for exactly that reason.  My good mate has got the new one going on his setup and complains that 64 people on one map is too much.  WFT!!  I call that a target rich environment.  He also complains the multiplayer maps are all rush maps (basically run about killing as much as you can before you get blasted).  Again bring it on, it's the only way I know how to play.  My mate does subtlety.  I don't.

Do I by it for the Xbox or my gaming laptop?  Actually thinking I should buy it for both.  Single player on the PC with the graphics will be amazing.  Multiplayer on the Xbox, satisfying and stable.

Life presents hard choices.

Next up, Ferrari 458 or a pension?

When Heaven turns BAD

My personal heaven is the Nuburgring.  It wasn't the case for quite a few people on this day-

OOOOPS

And here is the view from some annoying French twats.  Skip to 9.50 unless you want their irritating words and noises for 10 minutes.  I could barely stand 20 seconds of it.  Probably French Hipters, the worst kind!

STFU!

Remember kids, it isn't the speed that kills.  It's the stopping rapidly.

Spoiled!

My deepening love affair with HBO continues with season 2 of The Boardwalk Empire.  Awesome.  Chalky White now my favourite character and the actor played my favourite character in The Wire (HBO, what a surprise)

You are a very good actor!

Also putting a smile on my face are new season Walking Dead and Dexter.  Neither of which are HBO but we'll forgive them because they are only a ball hair less awesome than HBO shows.  

The pish weather makes me feel less guilty about watching so much telly.

Lion's Den

If you happen to live/visit the West End of Glasgow (should West and End be in capitals?  Makes it sound more important than it is. Bit like God) then visit Hillhead Bookclub.  It is Hipster central!!  I love this place and I did a twist on hug a hoodie, in my case hug a Hipster.  Of course, I didn't hug anyone.

 In particular, I enjoyed the couple of Glaswegian drunks at the bar who were pissed (being drunks) and staring at the Hipster girls ordering drinks.  Right next to them.  The way they were looking at them was less "hug" and more "bundle into back of Sierra and end up doing a 7 year stretch at Barlinnie".

Worth a visit.

Could have been there.  Wasn't. (That can't be his wrist, surely?)

Cycling home I discovered I have more than 1 gear on my bike.  More proof that I'm definitely not a Hipster.